hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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