chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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