hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
