Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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