I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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