3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
