You made me cry and you don't even care
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
