Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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