What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
