And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
