Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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