idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
