the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
