Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
