this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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