i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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