Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
