it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
