So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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