it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
