He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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