I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
