we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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