Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
