Are we in a gay sports bar?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
