why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
