I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
