The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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