im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize