i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
