I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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