Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
