I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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