just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
