She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
