his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
