Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
