Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
