You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
