I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
