areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
