i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
