no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
