Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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