it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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