ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
