Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
