Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
