I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
vagina is talking i cant
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
