Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
