it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
third nipple confirmed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
