Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
