I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize