What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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