chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
