the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
