I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
