Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
