Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
