Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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