you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
